


They Were Wrong

by QueenoftheHobbits



Series: Soft Thighs Series [29]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, but bucky is a sweet heart whose trying to help, overweight reader, plus size reader, pretty angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-07-27 07:19:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7608907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenoftheHobbits/pseuds/QueenoftheHobbits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They always told you you weren’t desirable or lovable, Bucky wants to show just how wrong they were.</p>
            </blockquote>





	They Were Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Idea suggested by an anon on tumblr

Growing up had been hard, being grown up had been at times just as hard. Partners who told you they were it, that no one else would love you. Family who pointed out flaws, who suggested you’d get a proper partner if you just lost weight. Friends who made comments and didn’t realise what they were doing. People throughout your life making comments, judgements, telling you that you weren’t desirable, that you weren’t someone that others would love...and then your own mind perpetuating those messages and making it a thousand times worse. Because all people ever thought was that fat girls couldn’t be loved. That they were someone to settle for...so you started to think that too. 

While you fought for your own personal right to love your body, you still couldn’t bring yourself to believe that anyone else would love it either. You didn’t have a long list of good partners to push the doubts away and you didn’t have the personal will to believe that your body was more than just acceptable to you only. It seemed like you would be the only person to ever love it in its entirety; the bumps, the lumps, the scars, the roundness, the softness...You couldn’t imagine someone finding your body beautiful, sexy, desirable...

But then he came along. It was absolutely terrifying when it first started and it was still terrifying this relationship you were slowly creating with James Barnes, and while you two certainly weren’t dating there was something there that had you fighting inside yourself. You’d argue over whether he was interested or just being a friend and always those gnawing, gnashing insecurities would fight tooth and nail to prove you wrong. They tried to make you believe he wasn’t interested that he could be interested no matter how much you wanted to believe he was and no matter how obvious it seemed to everyone else...because to you you’d keep remembering all those people who’d told you you weren’t the type of person someone would fall in love with.

And then those insecurities had you distancing yourself from him little by little...and part of him thought it was his fault, that you just didn’t want someone so utterly broken, someone that still had a lot he needed to work on. But that wasn’t the case at all. You wanted him more than you’d ever wanted anyone in your life, you wanted him for everything he was, you wanted to help him, to see him grow, to see him happy, genuinely happy. You liked to think you could make him happy, but the doubts told you he couldn’t be happy with you. 

He noticed the distance without fault, and while part of him wanted to leave it alone and let you do what you’d decided to do, the other part of him, the part of him that fought for things and wanted to know the truth about everything didn’t let him, it made him confront you instead. 

“Just tell me what’s wrong. I feel like you’re running away from me.” He was sat on the end of your bed, hands in his lap, he wanted to run them through his hair, to scream, to yell...but he didn’t. He didn’t let the frustration get taken out on you because you didn’t need that, he knew you didn’t need that and he didn’t want to do that. He didn’t want to scare you like he’d scared so many other people. 

“I’m not running away from you, Buck!” You were pacing up and down a small stretch of your room, arms wrapped tight around your soft waist, frown furrowing your brow and that feeling in your chest that could only be anxiety because you were scared to tell him the truth. 

“Then why don’t you talk to me anymore? Why don’t you stay in the same room as me? Why don’t you want to be around me, doll?” He was too calm, far too calm and it was like you were the one being irrational...and maybe you were, maybe you were...

“I...” One minute it was as if you were stumped for the words and the next they all came flowing out of you like the flood gates had been opened. “I’m not good enough for you, okay?! Is that what you want to hear?! That I know you couldn’t possible love me and that I’m trying to stop myself from getting hurt by staying away from you?! Because that’s what i’m doing, Buck. I know you and no one else could possibly be in love with me, not with the body I have, so i’m trying to stop myself from getting hurt in the process! Okay? Are you happy now?” You slumped against the wall behind you, you hadn’t even realise that yo had started crying during your tirade. 

“You think you’re not...you don’t think I could love you?” He’s looking at you sad now, not quietly frustrated, not secretly angry, just sad. The type of sad you’ve seen after a nightmare, the type of sad that fills him to the brim and makes him look like the weight of the world is on his shoulders and you hate that you’re the cause of it but you can’t help it. 

“Buck, my whole life i’ve been told and been made very aware that i’m not someone people fall in love with...i’m the type of person someone settles with.” You gesture to your body, your voice thick with tears. This is years’ worth of ill-treatment coming back to haunt you and you hate that people have had such a terrible impact on your life...that you could never just ignore them. That they could do this to you without even being there. 

“Buck...” The weight of his hands against you was comforting, but you couldn’t look at him, so instead you looked at the ground while his hands, one warm and one cold, rubbing against your shoulders and large arms. There was something...something refreshing about being touched in a way that held no disgust, only comfort. 

“Look at me.” his voice was soft and his eyes were too when you followed his direction, “You’re beautiful, your body? It’s...I lie awake at night wondering if i’ll ever get to hold you, hold it close, if you’ll ever allow me to touch you like that...I am _so_ in love with you and all you ever do is make me happy and I haven’t been really happy in a long time...and then you just have to smile at me and i’m happy...doll, these past few days without you have been the most miserable i’ve had since I got out...” You felt guilty for that, for making him sad, for leaving him when all he wanted to do was help...for making the life he’d slowly cultivated away from Hydra sadder, worse...

“You actually mean that don’t you? You...you love me and you...you...”

“Love your body? Yeah, but that’s not all that’s to you, it’s not just your body, it’s your head and your heart and...it’s the way you speak to me and the way you smile and...I don’t think you’ll ever understand just how much I care about you and just how heart breaking it is to see you feel that way about yourself...they were wrong. All of those people? They were completely and utterly wrong...you make me feel human...you make me feel like I can do something good with my life...” Tears had filled your eyes again but they weren’t so much sad as they were happy, tears of realisation that he just wanted to help, to help you understand...that he felt that way and he wanted you to feel that way too. That this man, who had been through the nine hells, who’d dealt with far more pain than any one person should, this man was still trying to help despite his own pain. 

You took the hands on your arms into your own carefully, almost waiting for him to pull away from you, except he didn’t, he simply intertwined your fingers further, “I...maybe..maybe you can help me understand that? I, I really do like you, Bucky and I want to be with you, but I can’t shake the doubts off just like that...so maybe you could help me?” They weren’t so easy to get rid of the doubts...but maybe Bucky could help, and maybe you’d start to push those old words out of your head and get new ones, better ones...

“We could...go get coffee? You like coffee right?”

“Yeah, I do, that...that sounds good.”


End file.
